Some days I wake up finding myself disconnected with everything around me--disconnected from family and friends, my purpose in life, and from my self being.  It's no suprise now, since I've been under these spells for far too long.  I've gotten used to it, really.  I've grown accustomed and sort of content with it by now.

I've been wondering if happiness or contentedness is better.  Happiness is like a loose cannon.  One minute I feel outstanding; the next I feel like crap.  It's like an on-again-off-again relationship.  But who am I to say, I've never been in one.  While in contentedness, there is consistent satisfaction.  This satisfaction is pretty mellow in feeling, and there's nothing to look foward to.  I just feel at ease.  However, I guess it does get pretty boring.  Frankly, a life that's not exciting isn't something I would look foward to, but I sometimes yearn for consistent satisfaction because I hate to deal with the struggles and suffering.  I've been reading Candide in one of my philosophy classes, so I'm pretty paranoid about this matter.  I guess everything is best in moderation.


Thinh Nguyen

Just got back from a wedding.  It was an old friend's wedding.  The night was pretty relaxing, and it was great getting reacquainted with some familiar faces.  My family and their family once shared the month's rent together back in the day.  Time really flies.  One glance past the shoulders, and all of a sudden, things aren't the same as they used to.  The food was spectacular.  The music was okay.  The evening went well.


Thinh Nguyen

I wish I can say that the community plays a very important role in my life, but I honestly do feel that I'm not in tune with it.  Growing up, I've had a sort of disconnect from the community, even though adults would constantly encourage the youth to participate in contibuting to the community.  Thing is, I've always was apathetic.  It's not that I didn't want to volunteer and help the community, but it was because I was very doubtful of what I could do.  I never really considered myself a bright student, but I did the work and did what was satisfactory.  It's a strange listless feeling that might be read as being lazy, but I beg to differ.  Because there are domineering personalities out there actively contributing to the community, the shy and introverted ones often get overshadowed and that feeling of uselessness starts to emerge.  Thus, the feeling of being disconnected with the community manifests.

Slowly, I've started to realize that even shy people, like myself, can help the community.  The contribution towards a community isn't just measured by having some big glitzy volunteering program.  When it comes down to it, by simply holding the door for someone is meaningful in and of itself or by just helping someone carry out their groceries to his/her car.  Another example is to simply throw away trash, even if it's not yours.  That's not to say that community programs aren't that great, but people should acknowledge the little things that others do.  And this is not just a measure of community service--it's also a measure of character.


Thinh Nguyen

I think spirituality is very important, and it plays a tremendous role in my life.  Without it, I think life would be a heck of a lot harder.  When I'm having a bad day or grieving over something, I find my tranquility in believing that everything happens for a reason.  The experiences that I gain from life is ultimately my own, and I know that one day I'll caress my beard (to imply my philosophical-thinking pose) and be proud of the life I've lived.  Sure, I'll have my good days and bad days, but at the end of the day, these are the experiences that will help my spiritual side foster and grow roots and absorb everything there is to know about life.

I don't consider myself a religious person but that doesn't mean I can't be spiritual.  I think it's misrepresented that one can only spiritual if one is religious.  I can't help it but feel a spiritual connection if I happen to look across a wide landscape.  I can't help it but feel a spiritual connection when I lay my back on the grass and count the flickering stars above the darkened sky.  I would bet a hefty sum that, growing up, everyone encountered some sort of wonderful experience that left them dazed and amazed and will forever change their life.


Thinh Nguyen

Keeping in touch with people has got to be one of the hardest mountains I have to climb--and still climbing, in fact.  I bumped into an old friend from high school earlier this week while walking to one of my classes.  I was taken back a bit, and I recall my heart skipped a couple beats.  This was one of the most frightening moments I've had in a while.  The awkard reacquainted smile and the hesitant inclination to find out how this friend has been doing.  All of these things swirled together and produced a slight panic attack that somehow made the impression that, deep down, I was still struggling to connect with people.

Since graduation of 2008, I've practically cut off communications with friends from high school.  I feel as if though they never really knew me, and I figured that they probably had better friends to hang out with, go to the movies with, or do whatever.  Outside of school, there wasn't really much to talk about.  Also, I was very pessimistic of people back then, so I never really gave the effort to go out of my way to take the initiative to ask them to do anything at all.

I guess one of the reasons why I tend to, from out of the blue, cut off communications is that I needed the time to recharge from people.  I get drained a lot when I'm around people.  It's not easy to say, "Hey, I gotta recharge for about 2-3 weeks, so don't take it the wrong way."  Frankly, it's not realistic.  And who is going to hang around someone that just disappears all of a sudden?

Another reason is that I just hate confrontation.  I've literally disappeared without a trace, and when I bump into an old friend, they'll probably wonder, "Hey, why haven't you kept in touch?"  I just hate having to explain myself because, for one thing, I can't articulate my emotions into verbal communication, and second, I am almost certain they'll never be able to understand what's on my mind.  Maybe they're an outgoing extrovert, and could never fathom the struggles and the hurdles introverts have to go through.

Finally, I just hate small talk.  Arguably, that's what high school students talk about all the time.  I never really found myself being that interested in small talk, but I went along with it just to get through the day.  Quite honestly, I don't remember having a deep conversation with anyone.  The empty exchange of small talk really irritates me.

However, being in college has taught me that small talk is all right.  Sometimes, it's the only form of communication that helps people get to know one another.  I've realized how important a simple, "How are you?" or a "Have a nice day" can have such an essential role in brightening up someone else's day.  For me, it's nice to hear it.  Also, small talk is like a pebble being thrown in a lake.  It can ripple into other subjects and make deep conversations more likely to emerge.

Staying in touch with people is still hard for me.  I know I can't be best friends with everyone, but I know I still need to make the effort if I'm hoping to secure lasting friendships with others.  Hopefully, I'll get better at this.


Thinh Nguyen

So today I went with my parents to the Getty Center.  After a hectic half an hour of going back and forth to find our way to the museum, we made it with a bottle of Gatorade and some bags of beef jerky to salvage throughout the day.  It was nice to spend some time with my parents because they--especially Mom--rarely take the time to enjoy themselves.  The work almost everyday, so it was great seeing them having fun.

The purpose of today, however, was twofold.   Aside from enjoying some quality time with the folks, I had to do 15 pages of sketches for my Life Drawing class.  Talk about a perfectly good day gone sour.  I only managed to squeeze in 7-8 pages worth of sketches.  Frankly, I was distracted by the beautiful scenery, statues, drawings, and elaborate paintings.  To solve this problem, I've taken some photos of the paintings/statues to sketch on tonight.  Also, the website will help.  The most important part of the homework is finished, which was obtaining a receipt from the museum as proof of actually going there.

Two weeks ago, I've lost all confidence in my writing ability.  In one of my philosophy classes,--Literature and Cinema--I'm struggling to write in a way that fits my professor's standards.  And honestly, it's been a pain in the neck trying to understand what he wants.  I'm pulling out all the stops in order to get that A on my next paper.  I didn't do that well on my first one, but luckily, he'll drop the lowest essay grade out of the 4 essays I do, meaning the first one was optional.  There seems to be mountains of work for me this week, and I'm wondering to myself if I'll ever be able to pull it off this time.


Thinh Nguyen

Honestly, I used to hate change.  I remember just right before high school was over, all I ever wanted was to just stop time at that very instant.  Oh, just let the birds that are flying be stuck in the sky forever, and the waves of the ocean freeze like the ice cream inside my freezer.  It's not like my high school years were that memorable or anything, but I've always was a person who never truly saw the importance of change.  It's not until college that I sort of eased into accepting these subtle and vast alterations in my daily life.

As humans, our emotions shift up and down, and we have to be able to adapt to whatever situation that is presented to us.  For me, changing or editing my course on life depends on how I feel at that very particular time and place.  If I don't like where my life is heading, I gotta shift gears, or I'll by sailing up the creek without a paddle.  But I do understand that it's hard at times to make decisions on what to do next in life, when one is presented with such difficult circumstantial dilemmas.  Heck, I don't know if I should even be writing this, or I should be doing my homework right now!  It's an arduous process, and one should shift gears when they are ready to--they'll decide when their time seems right for them.  Don't ever rush it.

The world is always changing and evolving.  And as Alan Watts would say, "It gives spice to life." 


Thinh Nguyen

If there's one thing in life that I've learned so far, it's that things work better when there's balance.  Focusing on one subject such as studying  for a math test--when that English midterm is just around the corner--is a recipe for disaster if you ask me.  Especially when working in a group, I must say that it's incredibly important to get everyone's feedback and participation.  Undermining others and not taking what they have to say is like implying "my idea is better than yours," and no one likes a snob or a pushover, frankly.

However, I can understand when there are conflicting views.  The infamous science and religion debate seems to never come to an end.  Also, the nature v. nurture, prolife v. prochoice, and torture v. no torture are just a handful of a mosaic of controversial arenas of debate that potentially gets a person in circles, round and round.  I can't see why people are so discriminatory when both sides are working in concert.  Why can't there be both?  It's probably because it's harder for people to factor in into their daily lives.  It's much easier to say A and not A and B.  But the most important issue here, I guess, is that people should find what works for them--just don't rule out this middleground.


Thinh Nguyen

I was in my Philosophy of Literature and Cinema tonight, and I've realized one thing while observing as, one by one, students leave the class: college students can exhibit signs of temptations just as kids do.  That seems like extremely elementary logic, but I find it kind of interesting because I think the same scenario is similar to the Marshmellow Test.  Essentially, this test tests the child's self discipline with trying to be patient with themselves and realizing the fruits of their labor if they'd just persist.  Usually, the child who waits turns out to be more successful and happier in life, while the ones that didn't wait didn't fair so well.

Frankly, I don't know if whether or not I'll be able to wait for that second marshmellow because I don't know how I would've reacted at 4-5 years old.  This experiment seems to be similar to the night class I just had.  It's late at night, and all everyone wants is to go home and rest.  There are people leaving abrubty left and right with every opportunity they have.  The teacher gives a 10 minute break.  "Let's bail guys!"

I managed to wait to the end for every class so far, but I can't speak for every college student that this same idea of waiting applies to the Marshmellow Test.  Perhaps I already know the result of the Marshmellow Test.  And I'm just forcing myself to believe that if I wait through the entire class, then I'll be happier and successful.  But to give me some credit, I remember always waiting for forever as a kid until piano workshops are over and never once intended to leave until the program was officially over.

Also, I don't know if any of the college students who did wait for the whole time if their lives are any successful or happy at all.  Though, this is pretty interesting stuff when being compared to the kids in the Marshmellow Test.


Thinh Nguyen

Just watch/listen V.

Apparently, I can't embed the video here due to copyright issues.  Copy and paste the link to watch.  Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqxENMKaeCU


Thinh Nguyen