Keeping in touch with people has got to be one of the hardest mountains I have to climb--and still climbing, in fact.  I bumped into an old friend from high school earlier this week while walking to one of my classes.  I was taken back a bit, and I recall my heart skipped a couple beats.  This was one of the most frightening moments I've had in a while.  The awkard reacquainted smile and the hesitant inclination to find out how this friend has been doing.  All of these things swirled together and produced a slight panic attack that somehow made the impression that, deep down, I was still struggling to connect with people.

Since graduation of 2008, I've practically cut off communications with friends from high school.  I feel as if though they never really knew me, and I figured that they probably had better friends to hang out with, go to the movies with, or do whatever.  Outside of school, there wasn't really much to talk about.  Also, I was very pessimistic of people back then, so I never really gave the effort to go out of my way to take the initiative to ask them to do anything at all.

I guess one of the reasons why I tend to, from out of the blue, cut off communications is that I needed the time to recharge from people.  I get drained a lot when I'm around people.  It's not easy to say, "Hey, I gotta recharge for about 2-3 weeks, so don't take it the wrong way."  Frankly, it's not realistic.  And who is going to hang around someone that just disappears all of a sudden?

Another reason is that I just hate confrontation.  I've literally disappeared without a trace, and when I bump into an old friend, they'll probably wonder, "Hey, why haven't you kept in touch?"  I just hate having to explain myself because, for one thing, I can't articulate my emotions into verbal communication, and second, I am almost certain they'll never be able to understand what's on my mind.  Maybe they're an outgoing extrovert, and could never fathom the struggles and the hurdles introverts have to go through.

Finally, I just hate small talk.  Arguably, that's what high school students talk about all the time.  I never really found myself being that interested in small talk, but I went along with it just to get through the day.  Quite honestly, I don't remember having a deep conversation with anyone.  The empty exchange of small talk really irritates me.

However, being in college has taught me that small talk is all right.  Sometimes, it's the only form of communication that helps people get to know one another.  I've realized how important a simple, "How are you?" or a "Have a nice day" can have such an essential role in brightening up someone else's day.  For me, it's nice to hear it.  Also, small talk is like a pebble being thrown in a lake.  It can ripple into other subjects and make deep conversations more likely to emerge.

Staying in touch with people is still hard for me.  I know I can't be best friends with everyone, but I know I still need to make the effort if I'm hoping to secure lasting friendships with others.  Hopefully, I'll get better at this.


Thinh Nguyen

I think spirituality is very important, and it plays a tremendous role in my life.  Without it, I think life would be a heck of a lot harder.  When I'm having a bad day or grieving over something, I find my tranquility in believing that everything happens for a reason.  The experiences that I gain from life is ultimately my own, and I know that one day I'll caress my beard (to imply my philosophical-thinking pose) and be proud of the life I've lived.  Sure, I'll have my good days and bad days, but at the end of the day, these are the experiences that will help my spiritual side foster and grow roots and absorb everything there is to know about life.

I don't consider myself a religious person but that doesn't mean I can't be spiritual.  I think it's misrepresented that one can only spiritual if one is religious.  I can't help it but feel a spiritual connection if I happen to look across a wide landscape.  I can't help it but feel a spiritual connection when I lay my back on the grass and count the flickering stars above the darkened sky.  I would bet a hefty sum that, growing up, everyone encountered some sort of wonderful experience that left them dazed and amazed and will forever change their life.


Thinh Nguyen

I wish I can say that the community plays a very important role in my life, but I honestly do feel that I'm not in tune with it.  Growing up, I've had a sort of disconnect from the community, even though adults would constantly encourage the youth to participate in contibuting to the community.  Thing is, I've always was apathetic.  It's not that I didn't want to volunteer and help the community, but it was because I was very doubtful of what I could do.  I never really considered myself a bright student, but I did the work and did what was satisfactory.  It's a strange listless feeling that might be read as being lazy, but I beg to differ.  Because there are domineering personalities out there actively contributing to the community, the shy and introverted ones often get overshadowed and that feeling of uselessness starts to emerge.  Thus, the feeling of being disconnected with the community manifests.

Slowly, I've started to realize that even shy people, like myself, can help the community.  The contribution towards a community isn't just measured by having some big glitzy volunteering program.  When it comes down to it, by simply holding the door for someone is meaningful in and of itself or by just helping someone carry out their groceries to his/her car.  Another example is to simply throw away trash, even if it's not yours.  That's not to say that community programs aren't that great, but people should acknowledge the little things that others do.  And this is not just a measure of community service--it's also a measure of character.


Thinh Nguyen

Just got back from a wedding.  It was an old friend's wedding.  The night was pretty relaxing, and it was great getting reacquainted with some familiar faces.  My family and their family once shared the month's rent together back in the day.  Time really flies.  One glance past the shoulders, and all of a sudden, things aren't the same as they used to.  The food was spectacular.  The music was okay.  The evening went well.


Thinh Nguyen

Some days I wake up finding myself disconnected with everything around me--disconnected from family and friends, my purpose in life, and from my self being.  It's no suprise now, since I've been under these spells for far too long.  I've gotten used to it, really.  I've grown accustomed and sort of content with it by now.

I've been wondering if happiness or contentedness is better.  Happiness is like a loose cannon.  One minute I feel outstanding; the next I feel like crap.  It's like an on-again-off-again relationship.  But who am I to say, I've never been in one.  While in contentedness, there is consistent satisfaction.  This satisfaction is pretty mellow in feeling, and there's nothing to look foward to.  I just feel at ease.  However, I guess it does get pretty boring.  Frankly, a life that's not exciting isn't something I would look foward to, but I sometimes yearn for consistent satisfaction because I hate to deal with the struggles and suffering.  I've been reading Candide in one of my philosophy classes, so I'm pretty paranoid about this matter.  I guess everything is best in moderation.


Thinh Nguyen

Today's a windy day.  The dry air skews the fleshy face.  It becomes arid and coarse, not lump and smooth as it once was.  The plants' leaves break from their stems and are grabbed by the ongoing wind.  I can imagine tumbleweeds rolling and darting across an empty road, and only one person is waiting at an abandoned bus stop.  With eyes enflamed and lips chapped like tree bark, this person looks foward and waits and waits.

No, it's not some scene from some old western film, but I can see why one would assume so.  It's weird how much the weather can have an influence on how I feel.  Oddly enough, I feel great when it rains and slumpy when it's sunny.  It feels like an lowsy Thanksgiving break, since I've been drowned with piles and piles of essays to write.  But it keeps me busy.

This semester's been slow and kind of unfulfilling in some sense.  The perennial melancholy is eating away at me.  Now I know one art class doesn't do it for me.  Hopefully, I'll be more stimuated next time around, that is if get the classes I'm on the waitlist for. I'll be crossing my fingers til then.


Thinh Nguyen

Apparently, I turn 20 today.  I vividly remember last year when today was Thanksgiving and my birthday.  It was a two for one deal.  The sky last year was grey and chilly, with specs of water droplets drizzling outside.  One could have stick his/her tongue out and feel the tickling sensation of those tiny morsels.  Today wasn't that descriptive.

This past Thanksgiving break ushered in nothing new.  I'm constantly reminding myself to start on my homework but  find myself procrastinating once again.  Yesterday, my dad bought some food for home and some at his work place, where my mom and a couple of their emloyees shared the Thanksgiving feast together.  I don't remember the last time when the entire family gathered 'round the kitchen table and ate together.  My oldest brother has dettached himself from the family and not doing anything at all besides partying and going out all day.  I see him once or twice a day.  One minute of awkward acquaintence everyday.  I don't know him anymore.  I understand my parents are always busy, but I wish we could all have a moment when we can forget about everything in the world and focus on each other. 

Now that I'm 20, I guess I'm suppose to act older right?  I don't feel different.  But, I know my perception of life has changed drastically when compared to years before.  I know that  nothing in life is promised.  Everything can change in an instant.  That's okay though because mystery is what makes life interesting.


Thinh Nguyen